|
gracechick20605
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Amber
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Tyler
Birthday: 12/4/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: my family,friends,missions,Crossroads Baptist Church, music in general, singing, writing, reading, playing frisbee, Risk, learning to trust God with every area of my life, learning to be a leader even though the idea scares me, actually..just learning in general is an interest of mine...so long as the learning seems useful to life
Expertise: I am great at being a spectator. I am wonderful at being horrible at pretty much every sport and laughing at myself when I try to play anyway. I am pretty good at procratination, and I think I've got the sarcasm thing down pretty good too. Ya know I dont think I like this section, it seems to be showing all of my weaknesses off pretty well. I am really good at sinning. We all are. God is perfect, I am not, and because of Jesus I don't have to be, thank God for that. He paid the penalty for my faults and someday Im gonna get to be with Him in Heaven for eternity. If you wanna go too, I would love to tell you how.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  gracechick20605
Member Since:
8/22/2004
|
|
| I have wasted away the past few hours reading old xanga posts, both mine and his. I wanted to know who he used to be. Then I wanted to remember who I used to be. I'm different. I used to smile more. I used to dream more. I used to get disappointed more often. I worried more. I cared more about what other people thought. Popularity was important to me. I used to want different things than I do now. I had different ideas for my future. I also used to be closer to God. I used to talk to Him all the time. I don't know that it was necessary to list my every failure of each day to Him every night like I did, but I do know that I miss talking to Him. I miss the little revelations I used to get so much more often.
It's strange really. I feel like I understand God more and that I trust Him more now. Maybe that's why I don't feel the need to talk to Him all the time, I don't have to list out a million little worries because in my heart I know that He will take care of it all. I may not smile as much, but I do think I laugh more. I'm not afraid to laugh like I used to be. I may not dream as much, but I think its because I have learned that it's really best to let the future remain blurry rather than trying to paint a clearer picture myself. I don't know exactly what God is going to do in my life and there is peace and rest in that realization. I don't care as much what others think (not that I've abandoned caring what those close to me think- it's just that I am now capable of leaving the house without makeup because the opinon of the guy at the grocery store really doesn't matter to me). Maybe that's because I am more confident in myself and God's view of me, or maybe it's because I've learned that people don't stay around forever. Popularity does not matter at all to me now. I like smaller groups. I don't care if most people don't know me. I actually prefer it that way. My future, my desires- well, that's all changed. I have met the man I will marry- the man that I love- the man that I trust. There is no more wondering or loneliness. I feel like something is missing when he is away, but I know that he carries me in his heart just like I carry him in mine. While life is not really any better than it ever was, I somehow know that it will all work out in the end.
In the end, I think the real difference is just that I'm not so afraid anymore. I still have my fears- lots of them, but in general, I just have more trust that life will work out and I will be taken care of.
| | |
| Nov. 1 is the day I must turn in a somewhat final version of my honors project... haven't touched it since Oct.1 . . . yikes!
In other news, the future is coming quickly. Still trying to find the right grad schools to apply to... need to sign up to take the GRE pronto.. ask for recommendations.. and then that man of mine... well... we have all kinds of decisions to be making... dates and such... life seems to be coming so quickly... I just started the semester and it's already half way over... more than that even... *if* I get married in May, that's only 6 1/2 months away...
I'm only 21... when did I start having to make so many grown-up decisions?
| | |
| Oh my, the last few days f this month just might kill me.
The first complete draft of my honors project is due Oct.1... which just happens to fall right in the midst of the first round of tests and papers for all of my classes...
If I can just make it through this week.... that's what I'm going to keep telling myself... I can do it...
| | |
| So it's been a bit surreal lately to walk around campus. I know people, but not really. I don't know the younger classes and it's strange to see so many unfamiliar faces. At the same time I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is my last year to spend with some of those more familiar ones.
Today was Dr.Bob (Riley)'s last chapel to formally address us. I almost cried. I love my school. I love our president, our faculty, and yes, even the chapel that I haven't been regularly attending most of my time here.
I find it funny that I take comfort in not knowing so many of the faces that now share the sidewalks with me. That's because it means that there are fewer people that I will be leaving behind when my time here is over.
I also find it interesting that this is my senior year, I am graduating in May, and technically... I'm not a senior... I fall two hours short of being an official senior. That would be because of last year. Don't worry though- this year will be completely different. You see, last year I was a failure and broken... but it was for a purpose and now I am back... yes, me... lets go play tennis, watch a movie, get out of our rooms and do something me. The quirky but everything is in place, me. The wake up in time to leisurely walk to class instead of run, take my vitamins everyday and make my bed me.
It's going to be good.
Oh yeah, and I'm still a procrastinator... that hasn't ever changed... so I'm now going to start my reading that is due tomorrow. 
| | |
| So life is an adventure. A journey really. Mine is crazy. Just when you think that there is no way to twist the story line any more... there it goes. I've come to expect it really. The thing is, when things happen, I take time to adjust, and at first, I freak out. Then I try to fix it. It's like somehow I think that I have power to make things better. Really, I am powerless. There's only one who has the power to make things better. So what it really comes down to is this: I have to just trust Him, to believe Him all the time, and to let go of my doubts. I know God's will for my life. The twists and turns may try to distract me from that, but I know that in the end, everything is going to work out just fine. I sometimes have a hard time trusting. Not just God, but people too... I think I've hurt someone recently because of that... I'm going to choose to believe though. I choose to believe that God knows what He is doing and that when someone trustworthy says things are going to work out, they will. So that's it. That's what has made my life better. Letting go. Kudos to Ginny Owens for helping me figure this out with a song of hers, here's the lyrics: I'm knocking on Your door,
Won't you answer?
I'm waiting for a word,
Or just a whisper;
But if You can't answer me this time,
I can handle everthing just fine
'Cause somehow I seem to think I have power,
And I know best how to make things better,
I try to carry everything alone,
But now the time has come to let go
To trust You with my life,
To believe You all the time,
And to leave my doubt behind,
Oh to trust You with my life.
Will I ever learn to stop and listen,
To keep knocking on Your door until it opens,
Teach me what it means to believe,
That You are strong enough to carry me
Oh, to trust You with my life,
To believe You all the time,
And to leave my doubt behind,
Oh, to trust You with my life.
And to give You everything,
All the deepest parts of me,
And to know You're always right,
To trust You with my life.
Broken here before You on my knees,
Is my only hope of finding peace
| | |
|
